I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
