she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
