Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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