yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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