Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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