why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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