I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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