I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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