no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
