I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
