Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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