it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
