how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im holly from the hills drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
