okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
