Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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