70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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