i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
