This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Randomize
