I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
