OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
