what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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