weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
