listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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