Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
