After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Vodka?
Forever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
