I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
