she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
