Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
