"it" just moved
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
