dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
