some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
