dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
