I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you had me at cake vodka
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
