Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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