How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize