Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
