how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
