my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
