I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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