im about as happy as oj after his trial
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
