it was like his penis was on wheels.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
