you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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