We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
