I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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