somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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