Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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