so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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