Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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