I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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