Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
