He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
