WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
