where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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