I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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