Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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