The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
