Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
