dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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