is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
