Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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