You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
