Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it hurts more in the daytime
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
