First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I will be naked everywhere
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
