Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
