So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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